Then COVID happened. Yes, I still blame COVID.
Living in Penang during the lockdown meant we were confined to our homes. We could only leave for groceries and travel within a limited radius. Like many others, I started working from home, and the boundaries between work and life disappeared.
Wake up.
Work.
Lunch at my desk.
Keep working.
Before I knew it, it was evening.
There was no commute, no reason to get up, and somehow there was never an end to the workday.
I tried to stay active, but it wasn't the same.
When the world finally reopened, life had changed. Many of my running friends had retired from running, and not long after that, I moved to another country. I still went for the occasional run with colleagues, but the routine and community I once had slowly faded away.
Then work became busier.
Then I left my job and moved to Bangkok to be with my boyfriend.
Life settled into a completely different rhythm.
By then, I was hovering around 52kg.
At first, it didn't seem like much. But little by little, I noticed the changes.
My XS clothes stayed in the wardrobe.
Then I moved into size S.
Then M.
Eventually, even some of my M-sized clothes no longer fit comfortably.
I don't buy clothes often. So when I do, it's usually because I genuinely need them.
Yesterday, I went shopping.
For the first time, I didn't even bother reaching for a size M.
I picked up a size L without thinking. Five years ago, I would never have imagined doing that.
This morning, the scale read 59.8kg.
A younger version of me would probably have panicked.
Today?
Not anymore.
I've tried.
I've trained for marathons.
I've walked, run, swum, and started over more times than I can count.
Could I do more? Probably.
Should I start strength training? Definitely.
Could I eat better? Probably.
But life isn't lived in perfect training cycles.
Sometimes you're building a career.
Sometimes you're moving countries.
Sometimes you're trying to settle into a new place.
Sometimes you're so busy showing up for the people you love...
...that somewhere along the way, you forget to show up for yourself.
Age changes us.
Hormones change us.
Life changes us.
Do I still want to become stronger and healthier?
Absolutely.
Not because I want to fit back into an XS.
Not because I want to see 49kg on the scale again.
But because I want to feel strong.
I want to keep running.
Keep travelling.
Keep exploring.
Keep saying yes to adventures.
So yes, today I'm 59.8kg.
The clothes are bigger.
The body is different.
The pace isn't what it used to be.
Would I like to lose a few kilos? Of course.
But I'm not going to beat myself up over it anymore.
Life happened.
Age happened.
And that's okay.
So I'll just keep moving.
One last thing before I end...
This isn't about saying one size is better than another, or that there's anything wrong with being a size L.
It's simply an honest reflection on how my body has changed over the years. We all have different bodies, different lifestyles, different genetics and different life journeys. This one just happens to be mine.
I'm curious...
Have you noticed your body changing too?
Was there a moment when you realised things weren't quite the same anymore?
What has helped you make peace with those changes—or are you still figuring it out?
I'd genuinely love to hear your story. Let's have an honest conversation in the comments. ❤️
May xx
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