Some Days I Feel a Bit Useless

Somehow, it looked so certain of its direction.

Some days, when I wake up, I find myself wondering — what do I actually want to do today?

This is another slightly personal post… maybe a bit of sharing, maybe a bit of grumbling. But I thought I’d just write it as it is. First of all, I have to say that I am happy and grateful, but this feeling is hard to explain.

I know I’ve said to myself to enjoy slow mornings and quiet time. And in a way, I realised this was something I used to want. After years of rushing, working hard, and constantly moving, I thought slowing down would feel different.

But honestly, sometimes, I still feel a bit… useless. Like, I’m not really contributing in a meaningful way.

I think this feeling started after I left my job. Suddenly, there was no clear goal, no structure, no objective to work towards every day.

And just to be clear, it’s not that I gave everything up unwillingly. I made the choice to be closer to my boyfriend. I wouldn’t call it a sacrifice… but at the same time, I know I did give up certain parts of my life.

I also know how it might look from the outside. Some people might think I’m living a “tai tai” life. But honestly, that’s not how I see it.

I don’t spend on luxurious things. I don’t shop much, and I’m not into branded items. I live quite simply. I cover my own expenses and don’t rely on him for what I want. Even when it comes to birthday gifts, I tend to think carefully about what I actually need.

So no, it’s not really that kind of life.

From the outside, everything probably looks fine. Life is comfortable, things are stable. But internally, it can feel quite different.

It’s a quiet kind of feeling that just sits there in the background.

There’s no real reason for it on those days. Nothing particularly bad happens. It’s just that sense of not doing enough, not being enough, or not moving forward in any clear direction.

Some days, I wake up and wonder what I actually did that day that mattered.

Not in a big, life-changing way. Even just something small that feels meaningful.

Some days, I manage that.

A short run. A few pages of a book. Clearing something at home. Finishing a small task. Those days feel a bit lighter.

But there are also days when I don’t feel like doing much at all. And those are the days when the “useless” feeling creeps in a bit more.

I’ve been trying not to be too hard on myself when that happens.

Because maybe this is just a slower phase of life.

I know not everything has to be productive all the time. Not every day needs to have a clear outcome.

Maybe sometimes, it’s enough to just get through the day quietly.

I’m also learning that just because something looks small, it doesn’t mean it has no value.

Resting has value. Resetting has value. Even doing nothing for a while has its place, whether we like to admit it or not.

Maybe part of this feeling also comes from being away from people.

I don’t really have anyone here besides my boyfriend to talk to. Most of my conversations are online — with my siblings, my nieces and nephew, and a few friends I don’t see often.

So I do appreciate the small things — a reply, a message, even a simple like. It reminds me that I’m still connected in some way.

I don’t have everything figured out right now. Maybe this feeling is just part of the process. I’m still slowly figuring out what I want next… it just feels like it’s taking longer than I expected.

And if you’ve ever felt this way too, you’re not alone. I’d really like to hear how you get through those days — or if you’re still figuring it out too.

May xx