Some Days I Feel a Bit Useless

Somehow, it looked so certain of its direction.

Some days, when I wake up, I find myself wondering — what do I actually want to do today?

This is another slightly personal post… maybe a bit of sharing, maybe a bit of grumbling. But I thought I’d just write it as it is. First of all, I have to say that I am happy and grateful, but this feeling is hard to explain.

I know I’ve said to myself to enjoy slow mornings and quiet time. And in a way, I realised this was something I used to want. After years of rushing, working hard, and constantly moving, I thought slowing down would feel different.

But honestly, sometimes, I still feel a bit… useless. Like, I’m not really contributing in a meaningful way.

I think this feeling started after I left my job. Suddenly, there was no clear goal, no structure, no objective to work towards every day.

And just to be clear, it’s not that I gave everything up unwillingly. I made the choice to be closer to my boyfriend. I wouldn’t call it a sacrifice… but at the same time, I know I did give up certain parts of my life.

I also know how it might look from the outside. Some people might think I’m living a “tai tai” life. But honestly, that’s not how I see it.

I don’t spend on luxurious things. I don’t shop much, and I’m not into branded items. I live quite simply. I cover my own expenses and don’t rely on him for what I want. Even when it comes to birthday gifts, I tend to think carefully about what I actually need.

So no, it’s not really that kind of life.

From the outside, everything probably looks fine. Life is comfortable, things are stable. But internally, it can feel quite different.

It’s a quiet kind of feeling that just sits there in the background.

There’s no real reason for it on those days. Nothing particularly bad happens. It’s just that sense of not doing enough, not being enough, or not moving forward in any clear direction.

Some days, I wake up and wonder what I actually did that day that mattered.

Not in a big, life-changing way. Even just something small that feels meaningful.

Some days, I manage that.

A short run. A few pages of a book. Clearing something at home. Finishing a small task. Those days feel a bit lighter.

But there are also days when I don’t feel like doing much at all. And those are the days when the “useless” feeling creeps in a bit more.

I’ve been trying not to be too hard on myself when that happens.

Because maybe this is just a slower phase of life.

I know not everything has to be productive all the time. Not every day needs to have a clear outcome.

Maybe sometimes, it’s enough to just get through the day quietly.

I’m also learning that just because something looks small, it doesn’t mean it has no value.

Resting has value. Resetting has value. Even doing nothing for a while has its place, whether we like to admit it or not.

Maybe part of this feeling also comes from being away from people.

I don’t really have anyone here besides my boyfriend to talk to. Most of my conversations are online — with my siblings, my nieces and nephew, and a few friends I don’t see often.

So I do appreciate the small things — a reply, a message, even a simple like. It reminds me that I’m still connected in some way.

I don’t have everything figured out right now. Maybe this feeling is just part of the process. I’m still slowly figuring out what I want next… it just feels like it’s taking longer than I expected.

And if you’ve ever felt this way too, you’re not alone. I’d really like to hear how you get through those days — or if you’re still figuring it out too.

May xx

When Sponsored Children Move On: A Child Sponsorship Journey with World Vision

I am always excited when I see the email in my mailbox: “Your sponsored child, xxx, has a letter for you!” Through my journey with World Vision, these letters are something I treasure very much.

When I opened Irm's letter, I was looking forward to hearing his updates again. But this time, the letter was written by his grandfather.

At first, I was worried. Then I read on, and it was good news. Irm has moved to the city to live with his mother and siblings.

Irm was the boy who chose me last September in Dornod — the funny one who actually made me “fall in love” at first meeting. I still remember his smile and his cheeky jokes. It was a touching letter from Grandpa. I felt happy that he now has a chance in a bigger city, but also a little sad that our journey ended so quickly.

Four hours later, another email came through from World Vision.

It was about Helen, the girl I sponsored for three years in Cambodia. She has moved on to pursue further education outside her area programme. I met Helen last February — the quiet girl who came with her grandmother. Soft-spoken, shy, but with bright eyes.

Photo recreated to celebrate the spirit of children I sponsor, while keeping their privacy safe.

When I visited both of them last year, I could see they had bright futures. I truly wish that they will have better opportunities, better choices, and kinder roads ahead.

In sponsorship, once a child leaves the area programme, the journey naturally concludes. Another girl has now been assigned to me, and I look forward to building a new journey together.

Departures are not always sad. Sometimes departures are signs of positive change. It means they are moving forward, growing, stepping into something new.

Today, I hold both gratitude and goodbye in the same heart.

I am grateful that love can travel across distances and cultures. Over the years, through my journey with World Vision, I’ve met children with different stories, different smiles—each one a reminder of how much hope there is in the world.

The faces may change, the names may change, but the purpose stays the same. I will keep showing up, trusting that even small acts of care can help brighten someone’s tomorrow.

Every small act of support can make a world of difference. If this story resonates with you, consider joining me in sponsoring a child—you never know whose smile you might help change.

May xx

Putting Some Dates on the Calendar

I didn’t announce anything.

No dramatic goals.

No “this is my year” declaration.

After sharing how my running journey started and where I am now, this felt like the right next step. Nothing loud. Nothing flashy. Just giving my running a bit of direction again.

AI-generated image 

All three runs on the calendar are ballot races. I know how lucky I am to even get a spot, so I’m genuinely grateful. No expectations, no entitlement. I'm just thankful for the chance to stand on those starting lines.

Putting these dates down isn’t about making big promises. It’s about giving myself direction without pressure. Training steadily. Respecting my body. Allowing recovery. Accepting that some weeks will be better than others.

There may be a few more races along the way if one becomes available and timing allows. No fixed plans. Just joining when it feels right.

For now, it’s simply about showing up and seeing where the road takes me.

May x

My Earthquake Experience in Bangkok

Today, I experienced something I never thought I would have to face—an earthquake in Bangkok. What started as a normal day turned into a state of shock only hours later. The tremor hit around 1:25 PM, and at first, I honestly thought I was just feeling dizzy from my reading glasses. I took them off, checked, and put them back on—nothing seemed off. But then, the shaking got worse.

At first, it felt like a strong jolt, but soon, it became something much more intense. The pictures on my walls rattled, and I saw the door swing open by itself. My heart raced as I recalled the safety advice—hide under something sturdy. Without thinking, I dove under the table. The shaking was terrifying, and for a moment, I wasn’t sure what was happening. It was frightening.

I grabbed my housekeeper, who thankfully was with me today (otherwise, I would’ve been alone), and we rushed out of the building. My boyfriend is traveling, so it was just the two of us. We ran downstairs and waited in the open air for what felt like an eternity. Nearly four hours later, we were given the all-clear to return.

However, things didn’t calm down immediately. The building manager recommends that we not stay overnight due to the lack of official safety clearance. There was no guarantee the building was structurally safe after the quake. They needed an assessment and approval from local authorities before allowing residents to stay. It was a huge reminder of how fragile our sense of security can be and how quickly everything can change.

As I write this, it’s been almost ten hours since the earthquake, and I still feel like the ground is moving beneath me. It’s surreal. The feeling of unease is still with me, even though the tremors have stopped.

I’m counting my blessings that my family and I are safe, but I can't help but think of all the people affected, especially the children and families. My thoughts are with those in Myanmar as well, who are facing similar devastation.

I’ve never experienced something like this before. It was a wake-up call on how quickly life can turn upside down, and how we all need to stay prepared. It’s hard to imagine how those in affected areas are coping, but I’m hopeful that strength, safety, and recovery will come to them soon.

For now, I’ll hold on to the fact that I’m safe and continue to pray for all those impacted by the earthquake. Stay safe, everyone.

Read more at:

https://www.bangkokpost.com/thailand/general/2989962/dozens-of-workers-trapped-in-collapsed-bangkok-high-rise

https://news.sky.com/story/myanmar-earthquake-latest-evacuations-in-bangkok-and-reports-of-buildings-collapsing-after-7-7-magnitude-tremor-13337088

https://www.straitstimes.com/asia/se-asia/we-have-to-get-out-singaporeans-recount-experiences-feeling-quake-tremors-in-bangkok

Images: 

https://www.bangkokpost.com/photo/2990036/quake-impacts-in-bangkok

May x

Child Sponsorship is not just about giving - it's about Friendship

I’m so happy to share that my story about child sponsorship was recently featured on the World Vision Singapore website.

When I first started my child sponsorship journey, I wanted to do more than just provide financial support. I wanted to create a real connection. As someone who enjoys handicrafts, I decided to send something handmade, something special, and something made with love. So, I made friendship bands—one for each of my sponsored children and sent them along with my first letter to symbolise the beginning of our friendship and the bond we share.

Months passed, and then came the annual update with their latest photos. As I looked through them, I was overwhelmed with emotion. One of my sponsored children was wearing the band. They all were.

It’s hard to describe how that felt. It was just a simple band, but it meant so much to them. They wore it. They kept it. They treasured it. And at that moment, I realised that even the smallest gestures can carry so much meaning.

Our letters are limited, often delayed by time and translation, but I still try to make our bond special. For their birthdays, I design and print personalised cards… not handwritten, but still made with love, just for them. It’s not about showing the world what I do. It’s about showing them that they matter. That they are thought of. That somewhere, far away, someone cares about them.

Sponsorship, to me, is not just about giving—it’s about friendship. It’s about forming a real friendship. It’s about reminding these children that they are important, loved, and never forgotten. It’s about making them feel that someone, somewhere, cares about them.

Because sometimes, even a small act of kindness can have a bigger impact than we realise. ❤️

Read more about the impact of child sponsorship on Child Sponsorship Stories.

World Water Day

Water is essential to life, yet its availability and quality are not the same for everyone.

The river that runs through the community I recently visited.

When I worked in a water company, I saw water through numbers—costs, processes, and efficiency. It gave me a deeper appreciation for the complexity behind clean water, from treatment to distribution. It’s not as simple as turning on a tap. Ensuring safe water requires expertise, infrastructure, and constant monitoring—something many of us rarely think about.

The water piping system provides clean water to the community. Part of the essential infrastructure I witnessed during my trip.

But through child sponsorship, I saw another side of water. In many communities, clean water isn’t easily accessible. Children and families walk long distances just to fetch water—sometimes from unsafe sources. The impact goes beyond thirst; it affects health, education, and opportunities for a better future.

World Water Day is a reminder that clean water is a basic human right, yet millions still struggle to access it. While many organisations are working to change this, there is still more to be done.

Small efforts—whether through awareness, support, or action—can make a difference. Let’s take a moment to appreciate the clean water we have and do our part to help ensure safe water for all.

May x

Sambour: A Journey Close to My Heart — Part 3

Waking up early isn’t always my thing, but on this trip, it felt different. Maybe it was the excitement, or maybe it was knowing that today, we were finally heading into the villages. Either way, I was up and ready to go.

Our journey started with an hour-long van ride to the jetty, followed by a boat ride across the river. From there, we switched to a tractor—yes, a tractor! If you’ve never taken a tractor ride before, imagine a bumpy but fun experience, especially when you’re surrounded by endless greenery and fresh air (got to strike that off when we we are actually sucking the dirt while driving too fast). It was definitely a mode of transport I wouldn’t forget.

When the WV staff told us we'd be taking a big wooden boat, I’m sure it has a name in Khmer—but to me, it’s a sampan with an engine.

The tractor gave us a good workout, a nice tan, and a free dust bath for the day!
Sambour’s heat and dust are no joke!

Our first stop was a primary school. During the trip briefing, we were told that classes here are shared between two grades—Grade 1 with Grade 4, and Grade 2 with Grade 3. At first, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. How could one teacher manage two different levels at the same time? But as soon as we stepped into the classroom, I saw it with my own eyes. The students sat quietly while the teacher taught one grade, patiently waiting for their turn. It was impressive.

A simple school with only two classrooms. Each is shared by two grades.

One classroom, two grades, and a teacher guiding them all. Such respect for their dedication and passion. 

One of the trippers, Fynn, who is also a teacher, volunteered to teach at the school during our visit and prepared creative activities for the students. Seeing their excitement and how much they enjoyed learning, even with limited resources, was heartwarming. It reminded me why education is so important and why sponsorship goes beyond just providing school supplies.

After the school visit, we split into smaller groups to visit the Most Vulnerable Families (MVF). I was assigned to visit a family of ten—grandparents, parents, and seven children. The youngest was just nine days old, while the eldest, a 14-year-old boy, had left home to become a monk because they couldn’t afford his education. It was heartbreaking.

The living conditions of the MVF home, where a family of 10— including a 10-day-old newborn.

Despite their struggles, the family was doing their best. They had a small piece of land for farming and lived near the river, which provided access to water and fishing. Their home was a tiny hut, with everyone sleeping in the same space. But thanks to the support from World Vision, they were learning better farming techniques and had access to a latrine—a small but significant improvement in their daily lives. During our visit, we even joined them in planting vegetables, a simple but meaningful experience.

Hands in the soil.

The day ended with a visit to a secondary school and a community library. Some trippers had brought English books to donate, and we also participated in tree planting with the students as part of the Child Sponsorship Learning Program (CSLP). I’ve always loved gardening, but this was special—I planted a tree alongside two young girls, knowing it would grow with them.

English books were generously donated by fellow trippers.

I’ve always loved gardening, but this moment was truly special.

Tree planting with the students.

As we made our way back to the hotel, travelling the same boat-tractor route, I couldn’t stop thinking about the resilience of the community. For them, these daily journeys weren’t just part of a trip—they were a way of life. And I was only just beginning to understand it.

Stay tuned! Every moment here is unforgettable. I can't wait to tell you more! 

May x

Sambour: A Journey Close to My Heart — Part 2

The day of the trip finally arrived! I flew directly from Bangkok, arriving in Phnom Penh a day earlier. That extra day gave me time to enjoy some local meals, explore a little, and, of course, do some last-minute shopping for my sponsored children. No matter how much I plan, there's always something more I feel like getting! 😆 Thankfully, SC was there to accompany me, so I didn't have to explore alone.

With all the extra shopping, I'm thankful to SC because some of it went into her luggage, some into my small suitcase, and we managed to shift things around. Problem solved!

In the morning, we met up with the rest of the trippers at the airport as they arrived from Singapore. Seeing familiar faces from past trips and meeting new ones was such a great feeling. There's something special about being surrounded by people who share the same passion for making a difference.

Cheers to the great company, meaningful moments, and the journey ahead!

After everyone settled in, got SIM cards, and exchanged money, we hit the road in a comfortable van, heading from Phnom Penh to Sambour. If there's one thing I've learned from trips like these, it's that getting to the AP isn't a quick journey. It took about six hours, with stopovers for toilet breaks, lunch, and, of course, the very last minute of buying gifts. The road conditions were so much better than last time—no more back-breaking, bumpy rides! That alone felt like a win. Although the drive was long, I didn't mind at all. It gave me time to reflect on my last visit and everything I was looking forward to. Would the girls recognise me? How much had they grown? 

After checking in at the hotel, we gathered for a trip briefing led by Piseth. I have so much respect for him—his dedication to the community is truly inspiring. His team has done an incredible job over the years, and hearing about their ongoing work made me even more excited for the days ahead. He walked us through what to expect, such as the living conditions, challenges, and, most importantly, the achievements made possible through sponsorship and community support.

Gaining insights into the journey ahead. His passion and dedication are contagious.

We wrapped up the day with dinner, resting up for what was to come. We will be heading deep into the villages tomorrow—and I couldn't wait.

This place wasn't just a name on a map anymore. It was a community I cared deeply about, a place that now felt like a second home.

Stay tuned because the real adventure is just about to begin. 🫰🏻

May x

I’ve Been Chosen, Again!

Exactly one year ago, I had the privilege of taking part in my first Chosen experience, and it’s been a journey I’ll never forget. Today, I’m incredibly honoured to be chosen by M, my fourth sponsored child through World Vision’s Chosen programme. This connection means so much to me, and I’m deeply grateful for the opportunity to walk alongside her on this journey.

Why did I choose to be Chosen?

Chosen is such a beautiful and empowering programme. It gives children the incredible power to make a choice—the choice of who will stand by them and support them. Instead of waiting to be chosen, they are in control of their futures, allowing them to decide who will walk with them. This small but powerful act gives them dignity and confidence in a world where they often feel powerless.

What makes this moment even more special is the story behind it. After visiting Mongolia and seeing life in Selenge firsthand, I became aware of the difficulties faced by children in different parts of the country. I heard about M’s Area Programme and the challenges she faces, and I felt an undeniable pull to act. When M selected me, it felt like fate—like it was meant to be.

To top it all off, M and I share the same initial and birthday month, which adds an even more meaningful layer to our connection. Sometimes, it’s the small details that remind us how everything is so perfectly aligned.

M, I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be part of your journey. It’s an honour to walk alongside you and support you in whatever way I can. I’m looking forward to seeing how our paths develop together.

To all who are reading this, have you ever imagined what it would feel like to be chosen by a child? It’s an incredibly meaningful experience that can truly change lives. If you haven’t had that chance yet, maybe it’s time to see if a child chooses you.

If you’re interested in learning more about the Chosen programme or how you can get involved, I encourage you to check out World Vision’s website. It’s a wonderful way to create a lasting impact on a child’s life.

May x

I’ve Been Chosen!

My first Chosen experience has been something I’ll never forget. This year, I feel incredibly honoured to be part of T’s life through World Vision’s Chosen programme. T, a bright and lively 5-year-old from Bangladesh, has chosen me to walk alongside her on her journey, and I’m truly grateful for the connection we now share.

Looking back, I’ll admit I didn’t dare allow myself to be chosen before, and I was wrong to think that. It wasn’t until my trip with World Vision to Cambodia, hearing some of the trippers share about the excitement and significance of children having the power to choose, that I understood just how meaningful this experience is.

The Chosen programme isn’t just about us supporting a child—it’s about giving them the chance to take control of their own story. When a child chooses who they want to walk with, it empowers them in a way that’s so much more meaningful than I ever imagined.

T’s decision to invite me into her life has been such a humbling experience, and it continues to inspire me every day.

T, thank you for choosing me. It’s a privilege to be a part of your journey, and I’m excited to see where this path takes us.

If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to be chosen by a child, I encourage you to look into the Chosen programme. It’s a journey you won’t forget and one that will change you in ways you can’t imagine.

May x

My Journey of Child Sponsorship and Hope

 It all began with a simple memory, one that had long been tucked away in the corners of my mind. Back in 2019, a running friend approached me with a request to support her in a fundraising campaign to raise funds for children to have access to clean water through World Vision Malaysia. Without much thought, I donated, never fully realising the impact it might have or where this small act of generosity would eventually lead me.

Fast forward to today, and that seemingly insignificant gesture has evolved into a profound journey of child sponsorship, one that has touched my heart in ways I could have never imagined. It's a journey that has reshaped my perspective on giving, community, and the immense power of human connection.

As I reflect on how it all began, I can't help but feel grateful for that initial nudge towards generosity. Little did I know that this single act of kindness would become a defining chapter in my life, leading me to connect with remarkable young children from another part of the world, each with their own stories, dreams, and aspirations.

My journey into child sponsorship didn't begin with a grand plan or a deep understanding of the impact I could make. Instead, it was a moment of reflection that prompted me to explore child sponsorship through World Vision.

I did some research on the organisation's mission and values, learning about its commitment to improving the lives of children, families, and communities. The idea of forming a lasting connection with a child, walking beside them on their journey, and contributing to their well-being became increasingly appealing. It was a chance to not only offer financial support but also to build a meaningful relationship, share experiences, and witness firsthand the transformative power of compassion and support.

With this newfound sense of purpose and the desire to make a difference, I took the step to sponsor several children. Two were from Cambodia through World Vision Malaysia, one from Nepal, and one from Cambodia through World Vision Singapore.

My decision to sponsor children from Cambodia and Nepal was not arbitrary. It was deeply influenced by my experiences visiting Siem Reap in Cambodia and Nepal. In both places, I witnessed firsthand the challenges these children faced, especially in terms of education and poverty.

In Siem Reap, Cambodia, I saw the determination of young minds eager to learn, but I also saw the lack of resources and opportunities that held them back. Education was the key to breaking the cycle of poverty, and it became clear to me that this was an area where my support could make a significant impact.

Similarly, I witnessed the resilience of children and families living in impoverished conditions in Nepal. Poverty, often a barrier to education, limited their potential. It was at that moment that I knew I wanted to focus not just on providing financial assistance but also on empowering these children with access to quality education, a stepping stone towards a brighter future.

Photo by: May

As I reflect on this incredible journey that started with a simple act of kindness, I'm filled with gratitude for the opportunities it has afforded me to make a meaningful difference in the lives of these children.

Everyone Deserves a Chance 😊

May x